John Yoo for Attorney General


Remember the good old days, when John “As the Eagle Flies” Ashcroft was the least competent Attorney General since John “Federal Prisoner” Mitchell?

Then came Alberto “I Can’t Recall” Gonzales, who made Mr. Ashcroft look like a lawyer and Mr. Mitchell look like an honest man. What he lacked in ability and character, however, he made up for in toadyism and the ability to take a punch. I guess everyone is good at something.

Despite having the staying power, subtlety, and intellectual capacity of a Viagra-laced erection (though with none of its autonomy or popularity), Mr. Bush’s Gilligan-like little-buddy was finally persuaded to jump before he was pushed.

How will Mr. Bush turn the Ashcroft-Gonzales double-whammy into a trifecta of ineptitude and sycophantism? Who could he appoint to erode the last vestiges of respectability from the Department of Justice? Michael “Katrina” Chertoff is rumored to be the replacement-of-choice; and he’d certainly fit the bill, though it is not clear that he has finished fucking up the Department of Homeland Security and may not be ready to take on a new assignment. Ted “Scaife’s Erand-Boy” Olsen’s impeccable credentials as an unprincipled, partisan whore would seem to hold him in good stead; but he is intellectually over-qualified to lead the Justice Department under Mr. Bush.

Since Harriet “We Learned All About the Constitution in Ms. Smith’s Class” Miers isn’t likely to make a comeback, my personal selection for the Attorney General post would be John “Waterboard” Yoo.

Of course, Mr. Yoo’s appointment would face pretty tough sledding in Senate confirmation hearings. Even spineless Democrats draw the line somewhere. (Caveat: this last statement has not been empirically demonstrated, only mathematically modeled.) But isn’t the timing just exquisite for a recess appointment?

What do you think of Mr. Yoo? Who would you nominate? I challenge you to propose a less talented lawyer more willing to prostitute themself to the every whim and political need of the administration.

0 Responses to “John Yoo for Attorney General”

  1. Leave a Comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Blasts from the Past

Man Up!
Man up you pussy!

... because the idiocy of manliness is an evergreen topic.


Talking Turkey
how to cook a perfect turkey in half the time

... because Canada and the US will celebrate their Thanksgiving holidays and, regrettably and preventably, not 1-cook-in-10 will serve a decent turkey.


Filial Piety Awareness Day
Kaki Tusler, Mother's Day Celebrant

... because everyday is Mother's Day.


America Dreaming Small
American Dream

... because the American Dream seems but a distant memory, given the country's dominant ethos of small-mindedness.


Serenity and Gratitude to Bring in the New Year
New Year's Eve at Tibetan Pavillion

... to remind us that not every mix of Tibetans and Western spiritual seekers has to be nauseating.


Incredible Vision
Infinite Vision

... to celebrate the new edition of Infinite Vision published in India.


Expelliarmus! Harry Potter and the Path to Gandhian Nonviolence
Expelliarmus, Potter, Gandhi, Nonviolence

... reprised because military strategy seems more cruel and less effective than ever -- and certainly there is a better way.


India Going Nowhere Fast
Nano in Flames

... because cars are ruining Pondicherry, where I live. How badly are they fucking up your Indian town?


Understanding the Gift Economy
Gift Economy Explained

... reprinted because more-and-more people seem want to understand the gift economy. (Yeah!)

Join the Banter!

At its most fun, memestream is a dialogue -- or, better, a cacophony -- rather than a library of overwrought essays reflecting a single point of view. For that, we need your two cents!

If you read anything on memestream that provokes an interesting thought, an emotion, a laugh, violent disagreement, passionate agreement, an anecdote, an uncontrollable non sequitur... be sure to leave a comment.

It will be no surprise to anyone who follows this blog that "all the best stuff" resides in the readers' comments. So don't stop reading when you hit the end of the essays. And add your voice to the discussion!

Enter your email address to follow memestream and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 56 other followers

Blog Stats

  • 373,780 hits

%d bloggers like this: