The Truth About Women

Gender Fencers

Women are such hypocrites.

They claim a special talent in understanding the rhythms of nature – as though their “divine feminine” and Earth Motherly roots give them special access to the concepts of seasonality and ripeness. In some ways, they are extremely attuned. Many women, for example, are acutely well-prepared to demand a degree of carte blanche, forbearance, and pre-approved forgiveness every 28 days or so. In other important ways, however, they are willful and pigheaded in their rejection of the most basic notions of gestation and timeliness.

Women speak with a degree of unseemly pride about the fact that girls mature faster than boys, as if this somehow compensates for the fact that they cannot urinate standing up. Generally, girls round into womanhood by their early- to mid-twenties. The maturation process is somewhat slower for boys, occurring between their mid- and late-fifties.

So you would think that all these “mature”, perspicacious women would show the same respect and patience for the natural process of leisurely emotional development hard-wired into men by millennia of evolutionary genetics as they do, say, for green bananas and just-bottled cabernet sauvignon.

No dice.

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14 Responses to “The Truth About Women”


  1. 1 millyonair 27 October 2008 at 7:39 am

    Ouch, Mark! That’s way harsh!

  2. 2 Anonymous 27 October 2008 at 5:33 pm

    Interesting. Is this some kind of screwed up apology for bad behavior? If so, someone needs to teach you how to get what you want.

  3. 3 mbjesq 27 October 2008 at 11:50 pm

    Everyone can take a deep breath.

    This was just a silly piece that popped into my head, not some overwrought reaction to a personal crisis. It was intended to be ironic: the purported defects of women (not cutting men slack for their childishness) being entirely reasonable and the pseudo-scientific argument from the male perspective being utterly absurd. I wasn’t intending to convey outrage, rather outrageousness. I guess it didn’t read that way. Oh well.

    The comment of “Anonymous” deserves further reply. My blog is completely open to anonymously made comments. And I’ll always permit unthinking, speculative, personal attacks (like that of “Anonymous”), no matter how foolish or ugly. But it is chickenshit to insult and malign from behind the cloak of anonymity.

    MBJ

  4. 5 guri 30 October 2008 at 12:13 pm

    ha ha…I thought maybe you got into an argument with Yoo-mi and she “showed you up” as usual…and this is just your way of venting. ;-)

    Hugs,
    g-)

  5. 6 Elaine 3 November 2008 at 12:15 pm

    You can fry green bananas and you can stick the bottle of cab in the cellar and forget it for a couple of years, until its ‘mature’.
    If we could do the same with men, we’d probably be a lot more forgiving.

  6. 8 naren 5 November 2008 at 7:52 am

    Lol at your astute observation that boys mature late – around fifty. An observation independently corroborated by my wife. And, as you rightly point out, the emotional maturity never seems to overlook minor transgressions like the impromptu public rendition of Michael Jackson’s “Beat it” the other night after a trickle or two of that excellent rum. Ah, women!

  7. 9 Lakshmi Mareddy 14 November 2008 at 9:05 am

    Mark, Its also women who raise men to mature late, by pandering to their childishness.

    I have one child, and when I used to shout at him, my dad used to say this “Boys need more love than girls, so be kind!”
    he was referring to this maturity principle I guess..

    What the !

  8. 10 jo 22 January 2009 at 2:34 pm

    Ha ha Mark. Seriously though Lakshmi makes an astute comment….

  9. 11 adsf 29 January 2009 at 11:52 pm

    NOT one of these details is backed up by scientific evidence, and all of the possible scientific comments are misleading. The truth of the matter for people is: If You love a women and want to be with her without cheating than be with her daily. Not phone calls, actully be with her. Distance is a mother*****, Sexual urges are what kept our species goin for milliions of years. So if you really lover her get over it. Girls same for you, but less true. Men are liars and love to cheat, especially if they are black. Spooks.

  10. 12 mbjesq 30 January 2009 at 4:19 am

    adsf:

    Far be it from me to discourage people from commenting on my essays — I think the commentary is usually more interesting than the pieces that prompted it. But the truth is: shit like this fully deserves to be deleted. I leave it up only because I think it is useful to see the full-range of human stupidity, rather than to censor it.

    Really, there is no scientific back-up for my claims? Gosh, perhaps it is… satire! If it wasn’t obvious from the essay itself, it should have been from the prior comments.

    Your pseudo-serious remarks are equally brainless and the gratuitous racism at the end adds an appropriately classless touch.

    You can learn from the others who comment — who add thoughtfully to the discussion and who have enough confidence in their voices to put their names to their words. They stand in sharp contrast to idiots like you, who display only their ignorance and tastelessness, and do so behind the cowardice of anonymity.

    MBJ

  11. 13 mbjesq 9 August 2011 at 11:30 pm

    I’m looking at this piece after a long time, in light of my friend Linda Christensen’s recent essay, posing the question: “Where are the men women want?”

    For those of you who haven’t had the pleasure of meeting Linda, she teaches comparative religion at the University of British Columbia and Langera College. She has also developed a following for her expertise and advice concerning the points of intersection between spirituality and sexiness. (Having neither, I never have to worry about those worlds colliding. But for Linda, the opportunity is quite manifest.)

    Incidentally, the last line of my essay, above, is an allusion to a great line delivered by Maria Schneider in Bernardo Bertolucci’s sensational Last Tango in Paris.

    MBJ

  12. 14 Hair Transplant in Lahore 8 October 2011 at 11:21 pm

    Hi,i dont agree witht the opinion that guys mature in their mid fifties.Women mature in teen and guys in mid 50’s….. is not it strange conclusion?


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